Confused but Focused

Today's reading includes Jesus' teaching regarding the end times. Eschatology, or the study of the end times, has always been for me, (since becoming a follower of Jesus 39 years ago) a difficult area to grasp. I've never been a big Sci-Fi reader and much of the descriptive language of eschatology reminds me of Sci-Fi literature which confuses me. Sometimes when I get confused by the imagery or the order of events I start on a downward cycle that ends in despair and faithlessness. It starts out with me feeling like I should throw my hands up in the air and scream, "I give up. This is too hard for me. I will never get this stuff. I am a bad follower of Christ. I should understand this better. Why do you make this so difficult to understand Jesus? Why don't you make this clearer? Why do you intentionally speak in obscurities? Jesus, you are not a very good teacher . . ." Do you hear and see my downward cycle? I end up "judging" myself and God. Often, folks tell me that they have similar experiences with the Scripture in other areas, like the parables or the long lists of laws in Leviticus. So, here is what Jesus has been teaching me to do so I don't end up in a place of despair and faithlessness. As I am reading, whenever I come across something I don't understand, I tell Jesus about it and ask that He would lead me into a complete understanding in His timing. I choose at that moment to place my trust in Jesus and not my abilities. As I have time, I read commentaries and talk to others who love eschatology and have spent oodles of time studying it, to glean from their wisdom so I might grow in my understanding of God and his ways. Bottom line, I get my eyes of off me and my "inadequacies" and "fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith," trusting Him to lead me into all truth. I choose to wait on
God to "complete his work in me," and consciously opt for praise and thanksgiving for the spiritual life and growth He has given me thus far. I find that being faith focused is a better way to really live life than staying down in the pit of despair and hopelessness.